Your home’s about to look like a preschool art project. Here’s how to weaponize garbage into “decor” that’ll make Marie Kondo cry.
1. Grandma’s Curtain Nightmares
For textile hoarders:
• Hides questionable stains
• Doubles as dust collector
• Pro tip: Claim it’s “bohemian” – they’ll pretend to care
2. Splinter Storage Solutions
Divorce wood special:
• Salvage wood from failed relationships
• Guaranteed tetanus risk
• Pro tip: Tell guests it’s “artisanal”
3. Hoarder’s Delight Jars
For pickle addicts:
• Display 2018 kombucha experiments
• Mason jar addiction intervention incoming
• Pro tip: Label “Ashes” for fun convos
4. Alcoholic Fire Hazards
For closet winos:
• Cut fingers while hammering
• Attract raccoon admirers
• Pro tip: Use for fake “camping” vibes
5. Sad Plastic Gardens
For failed gardeners:
• Watch plants die in trash
• Neighbors judge silently
• Pro tip: Claim it’s “upcycling” not hoarding
6. Haunted Bedroom Centerpiece
Ghost real estate upgrade:
• Splinters in sensitive places
• Previous owner’s initials carved in
• Pro tip: Tell dates it’s “vintage”
7. Alcoholic Achievement Coasters
For functioning alcoholics:
• Showcase your drinking problem
• Missing caps tell your story
• Pro tip: Glue permanently to tables
8. Failed Art Class Flashbacks
Kindergarten 2.0:
• Glue fingers to everything
• Collapses during therapy sessions
• Pro tip: Burn it – call “performance art”
Final Trashfire
Tag us in your #TrashDecorFails – bonus if fire department gets called. Remember: if it’s not Pinterest-worthy, add more hot glue!
