Confession: I made these crafts to avoid admitting I’m single. Here’s how to cosplay domestic bliss with literal trash.
1. Ex’s Clothes Memorial Wreath
Turn last season’s regrets into this season’s decor:
• Stained band tees = ~nostalgic texture~
• Faux flowers hide lingering smells
• Pro tip: Burn it post-breakup for catharsis
2. Sad Jar Candles: Depression Lighting
Mood lighting for your existential crisis:
• Leftover pickle jars = romantic ambiance
• Dollar store lace = pretend effort
• Warning: May attract moths, not lovers
3. Passive-Aggressive Bulletin Board
Publicly display your unmet emotional needs:
• Burlap from last year’s pumpkin decor
• Notes saying “Pls text back” in glitter
• Hot tip: Add ex’s photo – cross out with red X’s
4. Wine Bottle Vases: Alcoholism Chic
Celebrate your drinking problem tastefully:
• Merlot bottles = “vintage” planters
• Dead flowers match dead relationships
• Pro tip: Arrange empties as cry-for-help centerpiece
5. Cringe Photo Timeline
Document your downward spiral artfully:
• Blurry club pics = “candid moments”
• Add exes’ faces scratched out
• Hot tip: Use red string – conspiracy theory chic
6. Terracotta Pot Redemption Arc
Hide your dead plant graveyard:
• Chipped pots = shabby chic
• Paint splatters = “abstract art”
• Pro tip: Buy fake succulents – they can’t die again
7. Table Runner of Broken Dreams
Stitch together your failed sewing projects:
• Stained linens = shabby romance
• Crooked seams = ~artisan charm~
• Bonus: Doubles as tear-soaked tissue
8. Heart-Shaped Hoarding Containers
Store your emotional baggage cutely:
• Old Amazon boxes = “thoughtful storage”
• Hide receipts from impulse purchases
• Pro tip: Label “Memories” – actually contains candy
9. Framed Red Flags Gallery
Curate your questionable life choices:
• Dollar store frames = “eclectic”
• Display texts you should’ve ignored
• Hot tip: Use red paint – subtle warning signs
10. Tin Can Trauma Lights
PTSD from canned beans? Make it artsy:
• Rusty edges = industrial aesthetic
• Uneven holes = “starry night effect”
• Warning: May attract raccoons
11. Coasters of Broken Promises
Protect surfaces from wine-induced tears:
• Bark chunks = rustic elegance
• Paint “I’m Fine” in fancy script
• Pro tip: Seal with whiskey resistance
12. Book Page Hearts: Literacy Theft
Destroy literature to prove you have feelings:
• Romance novels = ironic commentary
• Self-help books = desperate meta
• Hot tip: Use coloring books – commitment-free
13. Egg Carton Blooms: Breakfast Failure
When you can’t keep real plants alive:
• Stained cartons = ~organic texture~
• Wilted immediately – authentic look
• Pro tip: Add glitter – distract from failure
14. Wine Bottle Shrine: Rock Bottom Decor
Display your drinking habits proudly:
• Solo bottles = “minimalist collection”
• Twine wraps = crafty alcoholism
• Hot tip: Add corks – “I could quit anytime”
15. T-Shirt Pillows: Laundry Day Fail
Sleep on your poor life choices:
• Stretched-out band tees = “vintage”
• Pit stains add ~authentic distressing~
• Warning: May smell like poor decisions
Final Delusion
Tag us in your #CraftingDisasters – bonus if your date runs screaming from the tin can lanterns.
