Confession: I framed $0.99 seed packets in $200 frames. Here’s how to pretend you’re Martha Stewart while killing succulents.
1. Seed Packet Shrine: Worship Your Basil
For plant murderers with money:
• Frame dead herb packets as memorials
• Arrange by killability level
• Pro tip: Add “In Memoriam” plaques – honesty!
2. Rustic Tool Graveyard: Clutter Core
For organized hoarders:
• “Vintage” bucket holds dead spiders
• Label tools “Hope” and “Disappointment”
• Pro tip: Rust = authentic patina!
3. Herb Morgue: Death Display
For serial plant killers:
• Crispy basil = modern art
• Wilted parsley centerpiece
• Pro tip: Call it “deconstructed” – foodies will nod
4. Wreath of Regret: Seasonal Shame
For holiday overachievers:
• Autumn = pumpkin spice failure
• Winter = dead evergreen memorial
• Pro tip: Add Christmas lights – fire hazard fun!
5. Dust Greenhouse: Spider Condo
For lazy decorators:
• Preserve dust bunnies archaeologically
• Fossilized soil = conversation starter
• Pro tip: Charge admission – modern art!
6. Trash Chic: Pinterest Fail Edition
For dumpster divers:
• Soup can pen holder – classy!
• Moldy crate “rustic charm”
• Pro tip: Add raccoon – authentic urban vibe
7. Tabletop Trauma: Floral Grief Display
For hostesses with leastest:
• Wilted roses hide wine stains
• Seed packets as cry for help
• Pro tip: Serve tequila – guests won’t notice
8. Bookshelf Boredom: Sleep Aid Display
For insomniacs:
• Unread books collect dust artfully
• Dead air plants = modern sculpture
• Pro tip: Alphabetize by color – sanity optional
9. Allergy Thrones: Sneeze Central
For masochistic decorators:
• Pollen-filled pillows – nature’s attack!
• “Organic” stuffing = mouse hotel
• Pro tip: Add antihistamines – survival kit
10. Hanging Disasters: Gravity Test
For concussion enthusiasts:
• Macramé = cat climbing gym
• Seed rain during earthquakes
• Pro tip: Wear helmet – safety third!
11. Fire Hazard Chic: Candle Chaos
For pyromaniacs:
• Dry kindling centerpiece
• “Aromatherapy” = burning plastic
• Pro tip: Keep extinguisher handy – decor piece!
12. Calendar of Shame: Deadline Display
For procrastinators:
• Crossed-out planting dates
• “April: RIP seedlings” notes
• Pro tip: Use red ink – dramatic flair
13. Fridge Fail Magnets: Grocery Shame
For expired food enthusiasts:
• 2018 basil packets = vintage!
• Mold spores as texture
• Pro tip: Claim “fermentation” – foodie cred
14. Funeral Party: Plant Wake
For dramatic plant killers:
• Black ribbon seed favors
• Eulogy cards for deceased ferns
• Pro tip: Serve dirt cocktails – authentic!
Final Compost
Tag us in your #PlantMurder posts – bonus if your cat uses the “herb garden” as a litter box. Remember: It’s not dead, it’s ~dormant~.
