Let’s face it – your “sustainable” decor is just hoarding with extra steps. Here’s how to disappoint Greta Thunberg in style.
1. Alcoholic Archaeology Vases
For people who confuse recycling with personality:
• Displays your drinking problem as art
• Dried eucalyptus hides wine breath
• “Earthy tones” = didn’t wash labels off
• Pro tip: Use tequila bottles – instant conversation
2. Dead Leaf Museum
Nature’s participation trophies:
• Crumbled foliage under glass
• Beet juice “paint” stains everything
• Guests pretend to care
• Pro tip: Add spiderwebs for authenticity
3. Paper Mâché Regrets
Kindergarten art for adults:
• Newsprint bowls hold dust beautifully
• Garlands remind you of unpaid bills
• Glue fingers together – bonus feature
• Pro tip: Burn it all for warmth later
4. Hipster Plant Hospices
Where plants go to die stylishly:
• Macramé nooses for hanging varieties
• Paint hides root rot evidence
• “Bold statements” distract from neglect
• Pro tip: Add googly eyes – plants look alive!
Final Compost
Congratulations! You’ve successfully greenwashed your consumerism. Tag us in your #EcoFails – bonus points if projects decompose faster than your marriage.
