Confession: I spent my textbook money on velvet pillow covers. Here’s how to fake adulthood until your parents visit.
1. Wallpaper Lies: Prison Cell to Pinterest
Peel-and-stick wallpaper: For when you need to hide mold artistically
• Tropical prints distract from fire alarm drills
• Pro tip: Remove before inspections – RAs know you’re hiding ramen
2. Sad Gallery Wall: Pretend You’re Cultured
Frame your existential crisis in 4×6:
• $5 Etsy prints scream “I have taste (but no money)”
• Faux ivy = houseplant for the botanically challenged
• Hot tip: Add empty frames – ~abstract minimalism~
3. Floor Thrones: Laundry Mountain Disguise
“Boho seating” that’s really a laundry hamper:
• Stuff with textbooks you’ll never read
• Doubles as guest bed for mooching friends
• Warning: May become permanent nap zone
4. Door of Denial: Ramen Shrine
Transform clutter into ~curated collections~
• Top shelf: Skincare you don’t use
• Bottom shelf: 37 packs of Top Ramen
• Pro tip: Spray paint gold – instant “luxe” ramen
5. Rave Lights: Distract From Reality
RGB lights: Because natural light is overrated
• Purple mode = pretend you’re in a club
• Red mode = hide questionable stains
• Bonus: Annoy roommates into moving out
6. Washi Tape: Band-Aids for Ugly
Decorate your existential dread:
• Frame mirror – distract from sleep-deprived face
• Label drawers “Hope” and “Despair”
• Pro tip: Outline “no entry” zone for roommates
7. Rolling Regret Cart: Mobile Mess
IKEA’s finest chaos container:
• Layer 1: Half-finished artisanal candles
• Layer 2: Crushed Red Bull cans
• Layer 3: Lost hopes and dreams
• Add succulent – instant ~wellness influencer~
8. Sad Curtains: Laundry Camo
Sheer fabric hides a multitude of sins:
• Conceal 3-week laundry pile
• Diffuse fluorescent hell-glow
• Pro tip: Claim it’s “soft lighting” – not laziness
9. Velvet Lies: Chair Glow-Up
Slipcover that 1998 office chair:
• Blush pink hides coffee spills
• Faux fur = cat hair magnet
• Warning: May inspire actual productivity
10. Bullshit Board: Procrastination Shrine
Display your downward spiral artistically:
• Unused gym pass front-and-center
• Passive-aggressive roommate notes
• Pro tip: Add “Vision Board” title – delusion sells
Final Delusion
Your dorm now looks like a Wes Anderson film on a Ramen budget. Tag us in your #DormDisasters – bonus if your LED lights sync with fire alarms.
