Remember when your biggest worry was dial-up internet? Relive those golden years by turning your home into a Lisa Frank trapper keeper explosion. Warning: May cause existential crises.
1. Eye-Searing Neon: Because Subtlety is for Cowards
For rave survivors:
• Electric blue walls = permanent hangover camouflage
• Lime green accents = free eye exams
• Pro tip: Add blacklights – discover what *really* stains your couch
2. Grandma’s Curtains 2.0: Floral Nightmares
For people who miss doilies:
• Checkerboard floors = free motion sickness
• Geometric wallpaper = hide questionable stains
• Pro tip: Use in bathrooms – guests will leave faster
3. Furniture That Screams ‘I Still Listen to Nirvana’
For aging mall goths:
• Bean bags = chiropractor’s best friend
• Low-slung sofas = midlife crisis seating
• Pro tip: Add duct tape – authentic grunge aesthetic
4. Lighting That Belongs in a Rave
For glowstick hoarders:
• Pendant lights = kitchen discotheque
• Neon signs = passive-aggressive messaging
• Pro tip: Install strobes – epileptic fits included
5. Touchable Traumas: Textural Warfare
For crumb collectors:
• Shag rugs = pet hair museums
• Velvet throws = sweat lodge vibes
• Pro tip: Buy stock in lint rollers
6. Art That Yells ‘I’m Deep’
For philosophy 101 dropouts:
• Abstract prints = Rorschach tests for guests
• Oversized art = hides water damage
• Pro tip: Use fingerpaints – channel inner toddler
7. Adult Toys (Not Those Kind)
For failed party hosts:
• Lava lamps = distraction from empty life
• Neon vases = hide dead flowers
• Pro tip: Add Beanie Babies – investment portfolio!
8. Fake Ferns for Fake Adults
For plant murderers:
• Plastic peace lilies = zero commitment
• Colorful pots = hide cat pee stains
• Pro tip: Use fake dirt – mess-free despair
9. Pretentious Shelfies
For unread book owners:
• Vintage cameras = prove you had hobbies
• Figurines = emotional support dolls
• Pro tip: Alphabetize spices – control something
10. Tech That Should Stay Dead
For analog masochists:
• Cassette displays = prove you’re OG
• Retro TVs = hide modern streaming shame
• Pro tip: Install rotary phone – prank call yourself
11. Tupperware Party Flashbacks
For sad lunch makers:
• Colorful dishes = hide microwave meals
• Retro gadgets = single-use clutter
• Pro tip: Display Spice Girls mug – cry into it daily
12. Fabrics That Itch (Emotionally)
For tactile over-sharers:
• Scratchy curtains = privacy through pain
• Tablecloths = crumb witness protection
• Pro tip: Use burlap – exfoliate while eating
13. Tripping Hazards With Flair
For klutz enthusiasts:
• Bold patterns = hide coffee spills
• Playful designs = distract from debt
• Pro tip: Add tassels – cat toy bonus
14. Useless But Instagrammable
For influencer wannabes:
• Sculptural shelves = dust cathedrals
• Artistic racks = coat homelessness
• Pro tip: Call it “curated” – fools the masses
15. Proof You’ve Lived (Barely)
For memory hoarders:
• Vacation photos = pretend you travel
• Handmade crafts = glue gun scars
• Pro tip: Frame grocery lists – artisanal desperation
Final Flashback
Congratulations! Your space now smells like teen spirit and poor decisions. Bonus points if your Gen Z kids disown you. Welcome to your Lisa Frank fever dream.
