Confession: I installed mood lighting to hide my crying face. Here’s how to ruin date night with bad bulb choices.
1. Sad Christmas Leftovers
For basic Pinterest zombies:
• Fire hazard with benefits
• Stores decade-old dust
• Pro tip: Add tinsel – divorce acceleration
2. Arson Starter Kit
For pyromaniac lovers:
• Wax stains = permanent memories
• “Accidental” insurance claims
• Pro tip: Use ex’s love letters as kindling
3. Dad’s Midlife Crisis Switch
For control freaks:
• Endless arguments about brightness
• Perfect for migraine triggers
• Pro tip: Install voice control – “Alexa, divorce!”
4. Garage Sale Rejects
Grandma-chic aesthetic:
• Shows cobweb collection
• Doubles as insect motel
• Pro tip: Add doilies – full breakdown
5. Hospital Wall Vibes
For sterile relationships:
• Fluorescent romance killer
• Perfect for examining flaws
• Pro tip: Add bedpan – commitment!
6. Firefly Mass Grave
For craft hoarders:
• Dust preservation system
• Spider condo upgrade
• Pro tip: Add dead flowers – ~aesthetic~
7. Rave Remnant Regret
For aging club kids:
• Seizure warning decor
• Highlights questionable stains
• Pro tip: Add glow sticks – midlife crisis!
8. Astronaut Wannabe Setup
For lonely stargazers:
• Projects loneliness metaphor
• Doubles as insomnia aid
• Pro tip: Add alien decals – abduction ready!
9. Divorcee Chandelier
For alimony receivers:
• Dusting nightmare centerpiece
• Perfect for head injuries
• Pro tip: Add cobwebs – “vintage charm”
10. Pioneer Nightmare Fuel
For history channel addicts:
• Perfect for dysentery cosplay
• Stores frontier sadness
• Pro tip: Add oxen figurines – Oregon Trail chic
11. Art Student Fail
For pretentious posers:
• Highlights bad art purchases
• Exposes dust collection hobbies
• Pro tip: Add interpretive dance space
12. Witness Protection Lighting
For fugitive couples:
• Hides identity and hope
• Perfect for shady dealings
• Pro tip: Add fingerprint powder
13. Solar Rejection Therapy
For vampire wannabes:
• Vitamin D deficiency starter pack
• Perfect for plant murder
• Pro tip: Add blackout curtains – full void
14. Migraine Maker 3000
For light-sensitive singles:
• Seizure-inducing romance
• Highlights receding hairlines
• Pro tip: Add strobe function – rave bed
15. Disco Inferno Flashbacks
For aging ravers:
• Reveals liver spots beautifully
• Acid trip flashback trigger
• Pro tip: Add glitter ball – full breakdown
16. Desperate TikTok Trend
For basic influencers:
• “Live Laugh Leave” signage
• Highlights credit card debt
• Pro tip: Add ring light – single forever
Final Blackout
Tag us in your #DivorcePrep lighting choices – bonus points if firefighters feature. Happy darkening!
