Confession: I decorate with splinters to keep visitors away. Here’s how to weaponize Pinterest fails.
1. Splinter Hazard 101
For ER frequent flyers:
• Unfinished edges = free acupuncture
• Spider condo installation
• Pro tip: Add rusty nails – tetanus bonus
2. Firestarter Lanterns
For arson enthusiasts:
• 1800s fire hazard revival
• Wax drips complement carpet stains
• Pro tip: Store gasoline nearby
3. Seasonal Depression Rotation
For hoarders in denial:
• Rotate between pumpkin rot and dead pine
• July Christmas lights = quirky!
• Pro tip: Never store – permanent display
4. Kindergarten Art Gallery
For failed Etsy sellers:
• Macaroni art sophistication
• Glue gun burn marks add texture
• Pro tip: Claim it’s “outsider art”
5. Dust Collector Collection
For allergy sufferers:
• Cat hair accent pillows
• Stained throws hide wine spills
• Pro tip: Never wash – “patina”
6. Plant Hospice Center
For serial plant killers:
• Crispy fern installation
• Mold propagation station
• Pro tip: Water with tequila
7. Fire Department Special
For insurance fraud:
• Drippy wax floor art
• Curtain ignition system
• Pro tip: Add gasoline diffuser
8. Awkward Family Shrine
For narcissists:
• 2003 prom photos forever
• Ex’s face scratched out
• Pro tip: Add shrine candles
9. Great Depression Core
For hoarder chic:
• Display great-grandma’s dentures
• Rusty can collection
• Pro tip: Add “vintage” bedbugs
10. Midlife Crisis Museum
For arrested development:
• High school trophies display
• Anime figurine shrine
• Pro tip: Add divorce papers
11. Textured Trip Hazards
For klutzes:
• Legos meet lava lamps
• Shattered glass confetti
• Pro tip: Skip insurance
12. Clown Puke Accents
For colorblind decorators:
• Neon vomit palette
• Seizure-inducing arrangements
• Pro tip: Add glitter glue
13. Amish Nightmare
For cult leaders:
• 87 identical mason jars
• Live chicken installation
• Pro tip: Add butter churn
14. Unread Book Monument
For pseudo-intellectuals:
• Warped Danielle Steel novels
• Dust jacket facades
• Pro tip: Add fake glasses
15. Emotional Baggage Display
For therapy avoiders:
• Ex’s love letters shrine
• Childhood trauma diorama
• Pro tip: Add crying corner
16. Bug Motel Feature
For entomologists:
• Spider egg nursery
• Termite buffet station
• Pro tip: Add “natural” wasp nests
17. Conversation Enders
For social anxiety:
• Nude clay sculptures
• Political protest art
• Pro tip: Add conspiracy charts
18. Junk Drawer Showcase
For organized chaos:
• Display used batteries
• Expired coupon gallery
• Pro tip: Add loose thumbtacks
19. Sad Beige Everything
For joyless millennials:
• Fifty shades of taupe
• Single twig centerpiece
• Pro tip: Add existential dread
Final Kindling
Tag us in your #DecorDisasters – bonus points if insurance drops you. Happy kindling!
