Let’s face it – you’re not decorating, you’re creating a house of mirrors to avoid eye contact with your life choices. Here’s how to multiply your regrets in 5 easy steps.
1. Grandma’s Garage Reject
For people who miss dusting:
• Intricate carvings trap 73% more cobwebs
• Gold finish fades faster than your youth
• Secret perk: Doubles as bird perch
2. Pinterest Farmhouse Flop
Essential checklist:
• Distressed wood = poor life decisions
• “Natural finish” = termite buffet
• Pro tip: Hang crookedly for “authenticity”
3. Geometry Class Nightmare
When basic shapes attack:
• Hexagons = bee hive chic
• Clean lines highlight dirty surfaces
• Bonus: Creates existential crises
4. Macrame Madness
For ex-hippies in denial:
• Natural fibers = spider Airbnb
• Fringe collects last year’s dreams
• Secret use: Hides wall mold
5. Basic B*tch Orb
For Target decor enthusiasts:
• Round shape = endless self-critique
• “Minimalist” = zero personality
• Pro tip: Position to avoid sunlight
Final Reflection
Congratulations – you’ve successfully multiplied your anxiety points. May your mirrors only reflect your best angles (and hide the wine stash).
