Confession: I bought a 3D-printed planter to distract from my dead ferns. Here’s how to fake sophistication with plastic trinkets that scream “I’m cultured (but cheap).”
1. Angry Geometry Vases
For people who failed math but love shapes:
• Holds flowers AND your existential dread
• Great for passive-aggressive gifting
• Pro tip: Add fake plants – commitment issues solved
2. Wall Art for Basic Bitches
When posters scream “dorm room”:
• Abstract shapes confuse judgmental aunts
• Lightweight = easy to yeet during meltdowns
• Pro tip: Claim it’s “Bauhaus-inspired” – they’ll nod blankly
3. Planters for Serial Plant Killers
Where greenery goes to die stylishly:
• Smiley faces hide your horticultural shame
• “Self-watering” = your tears count
• Pro tip: Buy cactus – even you can’t kill spite
4. Coasters That Judge Your Drink Choices
For wine moms & whiskey dads:
• Hexagons = instant IQ points
• Absorbs spills AND life regrets
• Pro tip: Make them passive-aggressive (“Hydrate!”)
5. Candle Holders for Fake Hygge
Ambiance for the emotionally numb:
• Holds candles AND your fragile sanity
• Melts faster than your New Year’s resolutions
• Pro tip: Use LED candles – fire hazards aren’t cute
6. Key Holders for Chronic Losers
Adulting 101:
• “Keys Here” sign for goldfish-brain moments
• Customizable with your Enneagram type
• Pro tip: Add AirTag slot – we know you’ll need it
7. Bookends for Show-Offs
Flex your unread classics collection:
• Shape-shifts to match your current personality
• Holds up self-help books you’ll never finish
• Pro tip: Arrange books by color – reading optional
8. Lights for Recovering Goths
Mood lighting for mood disorders:
• Dimmable = hides questionable life choices
• RGB colors to match your aura today
• Pro tip: Sync to Spotify – emo nights reinvented
9. Fridge Magnets for Millennial Nostalgia
Relive your Lisa Frank childhood:
• Unicorns > grocery lists
• Holds takeout menus you’re too lazy to use
• Pro tip: Add “Clean Me” note – it’ll never happen
10. Hooks for Failed Minimalists
When Marie Kondo gives you side-eye:
• Holds coats AND emotional baggage
• Animal shapes = talking point for awkward guests
• Pro tip: Label them – “No, that’s NOT your hoodie”
11. Trays for Pretend Hostesses
For cheese plates that scream “I tried”:
• Holds wine glasses AND dignity
• Monogram it like 19th-century royalty
• Pro tip: Use once, photograph, then abandon
12. Clocks for Time-Blind Folx
Decorative lies about punctuality:
• Modern art > actual timekeeping
• “Abstract” = you’re still late everywhere
• Pro tip: Set 15 mins fast – fool yourself daily
13. Bathroom Crap for Guests You Hate
Passive aggression, but make it spa:
• Soap dish that judges your Dollar Store refills
• Toothbrush holder that’s seen things
• Pro tip: Add “Wash Hands” sign – they still won’t
14. Frames for Your Delusions
Curate your highlight reel lies:
• Display filtered vacation pics from 2019
• Hexagon shapes = instant influencer cred
• Pro tip: Include fake family – more interesting
15. Desk Chaos Containers
ADHD-approved “organization”:
• Compartments for 47 half-used lip balms
• Label makers optional (we know you’ll quit)
• Pro tip: Color-code then immediately ignore
The Bottom Layer
Your space now looks like a TikToker’s garage sale. Tag us in your #PrintFails – bonus points if your cat uses it as a chew toy.
