Confession: I’ve spent $347 on mints just to get these tins. Here’s how to justify your addiction through questionable DIY projects.
1. Dead Plant Starter Kit
For serial plant killers:
• Basil dies in 3 days flat
• Soil leaks minty freshness
• Pro tip: Label “compost” – already halfway there
2. Stab Kit Deluxe
For masochists:
• Needles poke through tin
• Thread unravels instantly
• Pro tip: Add Band-Aids – poetic foreshadowing
3. Mini Midlife Crisis Kit
For papercut warriors:
• Band-Aids fused to tin
• Aspirin melts in summer
• Pro tip: Add tiny vodka bottle – real pain relief
4. Desk Shrapnel Collector
For paperclip hoarders:
• Magnets erase credit cards
• Sticky notes fuse into brick
• Pro tip: Bury receipts – IRS won’t look here
5. Glitter Grenade
For chaos agents:
• Spills permanent glitter curse
• Beads roll into HVAC
• Pro tip: Label “biohazard” – technically true
6. Dead Battery Hotel
For tech masochists:
• Cable too short to reach outlet
• Charger dies mid-crisis
• Pro tip: Add fire extinguisher – just in case
7. Earring Burial Ground
For single earring collectors:
• Chains fuse into metal hairball
• Rings vanish into tin void
• Pro tip: Add magnet – create jewelry katamari
8. Recipe Tombstones
For failed chefs:
• Cards stick together forever
• Grease stains tell sad stories
• Pro tip: Add fire salt – for tears
9. Travel Germ Cultivator
For microbiome enthusiasts:
• Cotton swabs grow new lifeforms
• Hair ties fuse into rubber brick
• Pro tip: Label “bio experiment” – technically accurate
10. Pet Bribe Box
For treat terrorists:
• Crumbles into dust instantly
• Dog learns to open tin – chaos ensues
• Pro tip: Add AirTag – track runaway kibble
11. Lost Tech Graveyard
For USB hoarders:
• 2003 MP3s never die
• Chargers for phones you don’t own
• Pro tip: Bury Nokia – indestructible time capsule
12. Memory Suppression Box
For repressed memories:
• Faded movie tickets to bad dates
• Notes from exes haunt you
• Pro tip: Add lock – keep demons contained
13. Failed Garden Dreams
For black thumb gardeners:
• Seeds expire before planting
• Labels fade into mystery
• Pro tip: Store pizza seeds – for realistic goals
14. Loneliness Simulator
For friendless gamers:
• Missing pieces guarantee loss
• Cards stick together forever
• Pro tip: Add solitaire rules – embrace fate
15. Bacterial Buffet
For acne enthusiasts:
• Brushes grow new ecosystems
• Cotton balls absorb tin flavor
• Pro tip: Add mold – penicillin on tap
16. Acid Leak Special
For pyromaniacs:
• Batteries corrode instantly
• Metal reacts with Duracells
• Pro tip: Store near gas line – spicy surprise
17. Crumbs ‘R’ Us
For crumb connoisseurs:
• Trail mix becomes dust
• Chocolate melts into sludge
• Pro tip: Add silica packet – false hope
18. Nail Fail Museum
For bad decision archives:
• Glitter never comes off
• Stickers lose stick instantly
• Pro tip: Add acetone – drink your regrets
19. Holiday Trauma Vault
For family feud relics:
• Glass shards in tin
• Tinsel fused to metal
• Pro tip: Add mistletoe – recreate trauma
20. Scream Box Deluxe
For noise lovers:
• Crayons snap instantly
• Glue dries in 5 minutes
• Pro tip: Add kazoo – complete the nightmare
Final Confession
Your Altoid collection now qualifies for its own ZIP code. Tag us in your #MintyRegrets – bonus if your dentist starts sending you Christmas cards.
