Your guests will question your life choices. Here’s how to turn garbage into “eclectic” home decor while hiding empty wine bottles.
1. Fire Hazard Wall Sconces
For aspiring arsonists:
• Combines fire risk with fragile glass
• “Rustic charm” = code for “no building permits”
• Pro tip: Keep fire extinguisher – matches included
2. Alcoholic’s Vase Collection
Intervention centerpiece:
• Tracks your Merlot consumption
• Dead flowers match dead dreams
• Pro tip: Add AA pamphlets – subtle decor touch
3. Splinter Delivery System
Free tetanus included:
• Hides rat colonies beautifully
• “Rustic” = never cleaned properly
• Pro tip: Wear gloves – bloodstains ruin aesthetic
4. Botulism Planters
Salmonella chic:
• Rust adds “natural patina”
• Sharp edges = free acupuncture
• Pro tip: Label cans – “Not Soup. Probably.”
5. Emotional Baggage Pillows
Sleep with your ex’s band tee:
• Stains tell drunk college stories
• Stuffing migrates like your dad
• Pro tip: Burn after breakup – ceremonial purge
6. Bibliophile Breakdown Wall
Literary graveyard feature:
• Page 127 of Twilight haunts guests
• Yellowed paper = vintage mold
• Pro tip: Use self-help books – ironic decor
7. Millennial Disco Coasters
Relive your mix tape failures:
• NSYNC CDs judge your life
• Scratches hide coffee rings
• Pro tip: Play “Bye Bye Bye” – coaster theme song
8. Denim Daddy Issues Display
Display your skinny jean grief:
• Pockets hold tears & loose change
• Fading matches your enthusiasm
• Pro tip: Include 2007 Hot Topic tags
9. Shock Therapy Terrariums
For masochistic gardeners:
• Cacti stab fingers revenge-style
• Glass cuts = free blood sacrifice
• Pro tip: Use Christmas lights – festive danger
10. Chicken Coop Wall Art
Salmonella gallery opening:
• Crumbles like your self-esteem
• “Texture” = egg residue
• Pro tip: Add feathers – avian flu chic
11. Regret Bead Curtain
Relive failed crafts daily:
• Sweat dissolves glue instantly
• Colors run like your mascara
• Pro tip: Use tax documents – cathartic
12. Abandoned Luggage Shrine
Display failed vacation plans:
• Holds expired passports & tears
• “Vintage” = TSA lock broken
• Pro tip: Add fake boarding passes – delulu decor
13. Alcoholic Achievement Board
Track your liver’s demise:
• Coasters double as drinking game
• Rustic = never washed
• Pro tip: Arrange by ABV – educational!
14. Corkboard of Shame
Display unpaid bills artistically:
• Mold adds “terroir”
• Stains tell better stories than you
• Pro tip: Use red wine – hides eviction notices
15. Desperation Bunting
Celebrate failed relationships:
• Ex’s shirts haunt your ceilings
• Frayed edges = life metaphor
• Pro tip: Burn during full moon – ritual chic
16. Thrift Store Nightmare Wall
Ghosts included free:
• Haunted frames whisper secrets
• Dust bunnies multiply exponentially
• Pro tip: Claim it’s “curated” – they’ll pretend
17. Window to Regret
View into your empty soul:
• Drafty reminder of poor choices
• Dead plants = modern art
• Pro tip: Add curtains – hide shame
18. Avian Guilt Feeders
Attract rats & judgment:
• Squirrels mock your efforts
• Melting plastic = environmental guilt
• Pro tip: Add GoPro – nature documentary fail
19. Tire Fire Flowerbed
Backyard meth lab chic:
• Mosquito breeding paradise
• “Earthy” = smells like burnt rubber
• Pro tip: Grow weeds – authentic look
20. Crate Expectations
Shelve your crippling debt:
• Splinters match emotional pain
• Leans like your life choices
• Pro tip: Stack higher – bury problems
Final Trashformation
Tag us in your #TrashcoreFails – bonus if raccoons move into your tire planter.
