Confession: I craft to avoid human interaction. Here’s how to repurpose trash into slightly nicer trash for Valentine’s.
1. Dead Flower Hoop
For compost enthusiasts:
• Collects dust beautifully
• Fire hazard with benefits
• Pro tip: Add spider eggs – surprise element
2. Literary Heart Attacks
For illiterate decorators:
• Ruins classic literature
• Glitter: the herpes of crafts
• Pro tip: Use tax documents – emotional purge
3. Passive-Aggressive Doilies
For toxic grandmas:
• “Love You” in passive voice
• Crochet guilt trips
• Pro tip: Soak in tears – vintage effect
4. Firestarter Jars
For arson romantics:
• Glass shard surprise
• Wax flood protection
• Pro tip: Add gasoline – commitment!
5. Creepy Postcard Shrine
For stalker vibes:
• Displays ex’s love letters
• Yellowed paper = vintage mold
• Pro tip: Add hair collection – serial killer chic
6. Lumpy Heart Pillows
For failed home ec students:
• Stuff with divorce papers
• Stains hide tears
• Pro tip: Add bed bugs – authentic vintage
7. Dust Collector Hearts
For allergy sufferers:
• Spider condo decor
• Flammable romance
• Pro tip: Add cobwebs – “authentic”
8. Weed Bomb Surprise
For hostile gardeners:
• Grows dandelion infestations
• Clay chunks break windows
• Pro tip: Add glitter – yard herpes
9. Thrift Store Frame Fails
For hoarder chic:
• Displays awkward family photos
• Chipped paint = “shabby chic”
• Pro tip: Add dead flowers – full breakdown
10. Rag Garland Nightmare
For fabric hoarders:
• Tripping hazard decor
• Coordinates with messy bun
• Pro tip: Add grease stains – “lived-in”
11. Suitcase Regret Storage
For emotional baggage:
• Stores unopened therapy bills
• Smells like lost dreams
• Pro tip: Add luggage tags – ex’s address
12. Paint-Smeared Jars
For toddler artists:
• Holds single dried bean
• Paint chips = free snacks
• Pro tip: Add lead paint – vintage authentic
13. Unredeemable Coupons
For commitment-phobes:
• “Good for one eye roll”
• Expired 1997
• Pro tip: Add prenup clauses
14. Stained Coaster Collection
For slob chic:
• Absorbs spilled margaritas
• Mold cultivation project
• Pro tip: Never wash – “patina”
15. Dead Twig Centerpiece
For witchy rejects:
• Doubles as kindling
• Spider transportation system
• Pro tip: Add fake crows – edgy vibe
Final Kindling
Tag us in your #CraftingRegrets – bonus points if fire department intervenes. Happy anti-crafting!
