Confession: I’ve made more wreaths than healthy relationships. Here’s how to weaponize craft glue this Valentine’s season.
1. Basic Rose Abomination
For people who still believe in fairy tales:
• Plastic roses = eternal love
• Hides tears from bad Hinge dates
• Pro tip: Add thorns – relationship realism
2. Yarn Nightmare: Cat Hair Magnet
Grandma-core aesthetic:
• Tripping hazard with benefits
• Stores decades of dust
• Pro tip: Claim it’s “vintage” – add mothballs
3. Dead Twig Special
For aspiring witches:
• Doubles as bird nest
• Perfect for hanging divorce papers
• Pro tip: Add fake spiders – commitment phobia
4. Tulle Tragedy: Bridal Regret
Divorcee decor:
• Glitter = eternal skin contamination
• Fire hazard with style
• Pro tip: Add veil – full breakdown vibe
5. Cookie Catastrophe
For emotional eaters:
• Ant magnet masterpiece
• Icing stains match wine spills
• Pro tip: Use ex’s face cookies – therapeutic
6. Felt Fiasco: Craft Store Rehab
Hoarder chic:
• Stores childhood trauma
• Cat scratching post upgrade
• Pro tip: Add googly eyes – childhood regression
7. Grandma’s Funeral Flowers
Depression decor:
• Smells like nursing homes
• Coordinates with Xanax prescriptions
• Pro tip: Add urn-shaped centerpiece
8. Paper Regret: Kindergarten Craft
For budget meltdowns:
• Recycled divorce papers
• Tears blend with glue stains
• Pro tip: Use crayons – full regression
9. Beaded Menace: Home Invasion Alert
Burglar bait:
• Doubles as cat projectile
• “Accidental” weapon potential
• Pro tip: Add bear traps – home security upgrade
10. Book Page Breakdown
Literary murder:
• Destroys classic novels
• Perfect for book club enemies
• Pro tip: Use ex’s love letters – therapeutic
11. Pom-Pom Panic Attack
For colorblind decorators:
• Clowncore aesthetic
• Hides ADHD medication
• Pro tip: Add glitter – seizure warning
12. Lace Ghost Special
Haunted bride vibes:
• Stores generations of dust
• Perfect for seances
• Pro tip: Add cobwebs – “vintage” charm
Final Nail in the Coffin
Tag us in your #CraftingRegrets – bonus points if fire department gets involved. Happy Valentine’s!
