Confession: I bought 17 throw pillows just to smother my existential dread. Here’s how to fake a Pinterest-worthy home without maxing your credit card.
1. Grandma’s Couch 2.0 Pillows
For hiding pizza stains in style:
• Blooms so loud they drown out your life regrets
• Velvet texture = instant rich aunt vibes
• Pro tip: Arrange asymmetrically – call it “curated chaos”
2. Adult Baby Dishes
For hosting people you barely like:
• Mint green plates hide pesto stains
• Makes microwave meals feel ~elevated~
• Pro tip: Add plastic cutlery – call it “ironic picnic core”
3. Serial Plant Killer Solutions
For people who murder succulents:
• Fake ferns that outlive relationships
• Woven baskets hide evidence of neglect
• Pro tip: Spray with water – Instagram won’t know
4. Motivational Meltdown Art
For passive-aggressive decor:
• “Gather” signs where no one gathers
• Inspirational quotes to mock your life choices
• Pro tip: Hang crooked – call it “abstract rebellion”
5. Nosy Neighbor Curtains
For discreet people-watching:
• Sheer enough to spy, opaque enough to deny
• Floral patterns hide last year’s dust
• Pro tip: Pair with binoculars – for “birdwatching”
6. Door Condolence Wreaths
For apologizing to guests in advance:
• Plastic blooms that outlive your will to live
• Ribbons that say “I tried” in decor language
• Pro tip: Add fake bees – thrill-seeking chic
7. Scented Regret Sticks
For masking questionable life choices:
• “Fresh Linen” scent hides takeout shame
• Glass jars double as emergency cookie jars
• Pro tip: Light three at once – aromatherapy overdose
8. Laundry Hiding Baskets
For adulting fails:
• Wicker = instant Montessori mom vibes
• Stores unfolded laundry “artistically”
• Pro tip: Stack haphazardly – call it “organic design”
9. Memory Shaming Frames
For showcasing better times:
• Neon frames scream “I have friends, really!”
• Crooked vacation pics = deliberate aesthetic
• Pro tip: Include college photos – nostalgia bait
10. Sad Patio Redemption
For pretending you go outside:
• Plastic gnomes that judge your life choices
• Solar lights that die by 8 PM
• Pro tip: Add fake grass – commitment-free lawn
Final Receipt
Tag us in your #DecorRegrets – bonus if your cat knocks over three items. Remember: if it looks terrible, just say it’s “transitional”.
