Confession: I own 6 Billy Bookcases and a crippling fear of assembly instructions. Here’s how to make your basic IKEA shelves look like they summer in the Hamptons and winter in your existential dread.
1. Slap Some Paint On It (Your Bookcase, Not Your Regrets)
Why basic bitch beige should panic:
• “Accidentally” cover up those mysterious assembly scratches
• Matte finish hides wine spills (we don’t judge)
• Pro tip: Paint shelves “Millennial Pink” – instant Instagram cred
2. Wallpaper: For When You Miss Grandma’s Couch
Hide questionable life choices with florals:
• Distract from your 43rd unread self-help book
• Peel-and-stick = commitment issues approved
• Pro tip: Choose patterns that match your chaotic energy
3. LED Lights: Because Basic Bitches Need Glow-Ups
Turn shelves into your personal rave cave:
• Highlight your dust collection (it’s “texture”)
• RGB lights for when you’re feeling ✨extra✨
• Pro tip: Sync to Spotify – Bohemian Rhapsody hits different
4. Crown Molding: Flex on Your Rentoid Friends
Fake it till you make it (to homeownership):
• Hot glue = landlord-friendly “renovations”
• Distract from that weird wall stain
• Pro tip: Name your bookcase “Chauncey” – rich people love that
5. Shelf Tetris: For Overachievers & Virgos
When OCD meets Pinterest:
• Create “zones” for your various personalities
• Leave one empty shelf to flex your self-control
• Pro tip: Arrange books by color – reading optional
6. Glass Doors: Keep Cats & Judgement Out
For collectors of fine China(Target mugs):
• Frosted glass hides your 14 identical candles
• Locks optional (for wine moms/feral roommates)
• Pro tip: Add museum tags – “Untitled Anxiety Collection”
7. Fabric Panels: Because Walls Need Sweaters Too
Grandmillennial chic on a budget:
• Burlap hides Cheeto dust (allegedly)
• Velvet for your inner drama queen
• Pro tip: Use curtain remnants – mismatched is ~eclectic~
8. Desk Hack: WFH Without Losing Your Soul
Zoom background deluxe:
• Fold-out surface for ✨ergonomic✨ breakdowns
• Hide wine glass behind “inspirational” books
• Pro tip: Add fake diplomas – HR will never know
9. Baskets: Where Chaos Goes to Die
Adulting 101: Hide Your Shame:
• Woven = “I summer in Bali” vibes
• Label them “Miscellaneous” (we know it’s snacks)
• Pro tip: Stack asymmetrically – chaos is a ~vibe~
10. Seasonal Rotations: Basic White Girl Edition
Because consistency is overrated:
• Fall: Pumpkin everything (even if it’s July)
• Winter: Fairy lights to hide seasonal depression
• Pro tip: Leave Xmas decor up till March – it’s ~festive~
The Final Chapter
Your Billy now looks expensive enough to justify your art degree. Tag us in your #IKEAFails – bonus points if you hot-glued yourself to the molding.
